More service than you can shake a Michelin star at

Please note that since writing this blog post, La Rive has closed down

In the course of researching the article I’m currently working on, I’ve realised that Amsterdam really is a little short on Michelin stars for an international city. Now, this doesn’t generally cause me much of a problem, my wallet not being of Michelin-starred proportions either. But just lately – and all in the name of journalism – I’ve been aiming higher, which is why I found myself on La Rive on Tuesday.

Part of the Amstel Hotel, La Rive is one of only three restaurants in Amsterdam to boast one of these elusive stars and – at what totalled €130 a pop – I wanted to find out why. Following my interview with the Head Chef and Restaurant Manager, I sat down to a meal with two of my colleagues. When I say ‘sat down’, this involved the agency of at least two other people pulling our chairs out and then pushing them in behind us. Amusingly, this happened every time I went to the toilet, got up to look at the terrace or wandered over to speak to a waiter. Seriously, this is Holland: since when did anyone – anyone – move a chair for me?

We ordered, and then a whole series of things we didn’t order appeared. That’s what I love about expensive restaurants: you get so much more than what you think you’re paying for. The first appetisers would probably have been called something like ‘Parmesan: three ways’ if they’d appeared on a menu. They comprised sort of parmesan-flavoured prawn crackers (only without the prawn), parmesan crostini wrapped in jamon, and parmesan puff-pastry squares; they were like borrel hapjes, only nicer.

Other appetisers included ceramic spoons filled with seaweed and white fish rolls with a piquillo pepper puree; tuna tartar in a spicy-sweet cone; breaded sardine with more piquillo puree and a bagna cauda; and gorgeously sweet, caramelised, battered, sesame-marinated tomatoes – hot but on a bed of ice. Surprising and delicious. I resisted too much bread, on the grounds that we hadn’t even had our starters yet.

When they came, mine was light and summery: crab with various versions of green apple, cucumber and avocado, bathed in gazpacho. Bright green on red: a fresh jolt to the palate.

Main course-wise, I was torn between the pigeon (on the grounds that pigeons are pests and should therefore be eaten) and the Baambrugse piglet (on the grounds that I’d been to see the piglets in Baambrugge in March and there was a pleasing symmetry about eating them now, for dinner). Eventually I plumped for the pigeon, which was served with beetroot (in cubes and crisps) and celeriac (in cubes and puree) with pigeon-liver jus. Luckily, one of my colleagues had the piglet, so I got to try the fillet and belly pork too. Everything was rich and opulent, but the portion sizes were not overwhelming.

Evidently another freebie course was required before dessert, so we had a luscious little glass of marinated strawberries with vanilla mascarpone, black pepper and an orange foam. That was enough for me, so I finished with a mint tea, but my colleague subsequently ascended into chocolate heaven and has informed me that she’s been having erotic dreams about it ever since.

The price tag may be prohibitive, but if you’ve decided to spend upwards of €100 on dinner, then La Rive is probably worth it – if only to watch the waiters attempt to shortcut your route from door to chair in order both to open said door for you and then to move said chair. It’s more service in one night than I’ve had in four years in Amsterdam.